Girlfriends Get It

(The only) 4 must-haves for your perfect wedding day

Posted on November 7, 2019 by 'Round here Girlfriends Get It Married Things

Just this past weekend I attended a wedding that was, by ALL accounts, one of the most perfect country-lovin’ celebrations of love and marriage ever. It was flawless, y’all, and I mean it.

It was a 65-degree glorious fall day and leaves were sprinkled all the way to the creek. The fish literally jumped between the two trees that formed the altar to the beat of Eric Church while we all waited for the gorgeous southern bride to walk down the aisle on her daddy’s arm. The handsome groom teared up when he saw his girl, his recently-ordained buddy/officiant made us laugh when he flubbed the words at just the right moment, and I swear, that creek sparkled when they leaned in for the kiss.

If you grew up in the sticks you were in Dirt Road Heaven, and if you didn’t…well, that day you wished you did.

I’ve spent a couple hundred Saturdays (and one sweet Tuesday) telling wedding stories through a lens, and I can tell you that I’ve seen some REALLY amazing Perfect Wedding Days. I’ve seen Pinterest boards come alive in wide open fields, immaculate cathedrals, and baseball stadiums. I’ve seen countless just-right dresses, flowers that took my breath away, first dances that made me laugh and cry, and parties so fabulous that they could have lasted all night.

When I think back to the BEST Perfect Wedding Days though, it’s hardly ever the Pin-worthy parts that I remember. In the moment, yes, it’s all fun to ogle over, and fo’ sho, I’m always impressed when the bathroom is as wedding’d out as the rest of the venue, but in the end that stuff was just fun to see.

I’ve found that, like it is with most things, the real perfection comes not in the level of thought put into every visible detail, but instead, in the amount of love and sweetness that fill it from the inside. Yes, this is going to be that kind of list.

So in case you or someone you know hasn’t done this occasion yet, I’ve compiled the most accurate list I could muster of Must-Haves for your Perfect Wedding Day. In no particular order, here’s ALL you REALLY need:

#1: Expectations. Maybe you’ve been dreaming about this day since you were born and you’ve got ALL the everythings figured out. It’s your day after all, and ALL the brides’ dreams come true on their day! [Insert record scratch here.]

You know what your wedding day also is? A regular day here on this regular planet, and I don’t know about you, but on most of my regular days, I usually bump into a hitch or two (or ten, but who’s counting). Unless you’ve hired a magnificent wedding planner who handles all the glitches like a fairy godmother and never tells you how it all almost fell apart, something messy is going down on your day. Get your mind right and no one will get hurt.

Your expectations can either sentence you to a day teetering on the edge of tears, OR a day of laughter. I promise that if you’re in tune with reality and choose the laughter, you’ll also get the bonus perk of a more entertaining wedding day story to re-tell for the rest of your married life.

Pop Quiz. Which is more fun?

A. “My day was everything I imagined it would be. Everything went exactly right and we are sure to have a perfect life to go along with our perfect wedding. I just know it!”

B. “Our day was friggin’ awesome. I got stuck in traffic and had to do my makeup in the rear view mirror. My brother had to pick the lock to get us in the church and I left my bouquet at home. The kegs were floating at the reception before our first dance and the cake was kinda hideous nothing like the picture. But MY WORD, it was a GOOD TIME. We’d do it all over again and wouldn’t change a thing.”

Hint: The answer is B, y’all. Taken from my own perfect day. No regrets. Expect the unexpected and take it all in stride.

#2: Attitude. This one goes right along with the expectations, but I’d encourage you to work on keeping this in check from the moment you get engaged to the moment you…well…are parted by death. [JK, that’s not actually possible if you’re human – especially a married one (bahaha!), but you should shoot for a good one on your wedding day at the very least.]

A million things can threaten to mess with your attitude when it comes to #weddinglife. (Refer to the Mountain of Unimportant Things in a previous post, and also to those Expectations above.) You are NOT alone, you are smack-dab in the middle of a MAJOR life change, and you may feel an overwhelming sense of overwhelm at the thought of all there is to do to make it…what is it again…perfect. Keep your smile on lock, because smiles go better with a white dress than stress.

The reason that attitude is so important, especially if you’re the bride, is that your attitude sets the tone for everyone else. Not to say that everyone is looking at you, but friend, they’re all looking at you. Your mom, your maid of honor, your DJ, your future husband – they’re all surveying your face to gauge the spirit of the day. Let the little things (or ALL the OTHER people’s BIG things) swallow you whole, and nobody’s happy – and neither are the memories. Stay positive and focus on the fact that you (hopefully) can’t wait to spend your life with the one you love, and it’s all golden.

Worried that your program attendant is sick at the last minute? Sit the stack on the closest table and sincerely pray that your friend feels better soon. You’re getting married. Annoyed that your flower girl refuses to put on that crown you made for her? Think about the sassy story you’ll tell at her wedding and be thankful she’s at least wearing the dress. You’ve been waiting for this day forever. Upset that the forecast is predicting rain? You’re getting a forever-love today, and maybe you’ll get a rainbow too. I’ve seen it happen, and that muddy-footed bride and groom grinned from ear to ear right beside their 100 soaking wet guests when I took a photo of them all standing under the Roygbiv bridge that nestled right above their reception tent. Attitude + Rainbows = Perfection every time!

#3: Buffers. Ok, time for some real talk. Even if you have #1 and #2 in check, there are LOTS of feelings floating around on a day as big as this one. Not just your own feelings either, I’m talking about the OTHER feelings. How your grandma feels about your grandpa’s new wife. How your MIL-to-be feels about your rib tattoo. How your sister feels about her ex being a groomsman. How your unmarried BFF feels about you getting the ring first. You get it. FEELINGS.

While you’re doing all the things to create the perfect looking wedding day, don’t forget to factor in the feelings, and when possible, build yourself some solid buffers ahead of time.

Grandma says she ain’t coming if she’s got to share a pew with Jezebel? Avoid the dirty looks and reserve a special seat on the second row for Wife #2. Future MIL points out during your fitting that she’s heard you can remove those tattoo things now? She doesn’t get to come in the room until you’re fully dressed on the wedding day. Sister can’t stand looking at her ex on the other side? Assign another friend to keep her away from the champagne (and the microphone). And your BFF? She loves you and she’ll get over it, or she shouldn’t be your BFF to begin with.

A few other buffering tips for your own feelings’ sake:

  • Don’t ask someone to be in the wedding if they’re not in your most trusted, most enjoyable, most beloved circle.
  • Don’t plan the whole thing around someone else’s standards OR budget.
  • Don’t dance to a sappy song if you don’t want pictures of your ugly-cry face, but DO if it means something to you. (There will be plenty of other pictures.)
  • Don’t spend so much time on Pinterest that you forget why you’re getting married to begin with.
  • Oh, and if you can, get one of those fairy godmothers.

#4: Love. I hope everything in you just went, “well duh.” It’s an obvious necessity, but I’ve seen it get overlooked a time or two.

Love the life you’re building with your person. Love the people who got you both to where you are today. Love the song you dance to and the vows you take. Love the plans you think you have and your ability to wing it together. Love the ones who are going to lift you up when it gets hard. Love the perfect imperfections that make you a balanced match. Love the Lord and lean on Him always because if, together, you have THAT kind of love, you will be unshakable.

Perfect Wedding Days DO exist, quite often, in fact. It’s just up to you to recognize the things that truly make it pop. Got another Must-Have to add to the list? Leave it below. Cheers to you and the Perfect Weddings ahead.

Sidenote: Wedding in your rear view or nowhere in sight? These Must-Haves may also work for, well, mostly every other stage in life. Godspeed, girlfriend.

Let’s talk about the prom queen

Posted on October 23, 2019 by Girlfriends Get It Imbalancing act

You know the girl. The pretty one. The one everyone adores. The one that can do no wrong, always has it together, never has a bad day. I bet you can see her smiling face in your head right now. Does the image of that girl make you want to smile back? I doubt it. Not for real at least.

She’s not just the prom queen anymore anyway. She’s everywhere. She’s the mom that walks into school looking like she slept a full night and ate fairy dust for breakfast. It’s obvious her husband adores her and her kids must wake up looking like a Target billboard. She’s the one with the perfect body or perfect hair or at the very least the perfectly clean house. You know the one. 

She’s the woman at work who magically balances her cute coffee mug in one hand and endless to-do list in the other. She’s the girl that’s killin’ it on the front row in your fitness class. She’s the lady at church who always bakes the cake, teaches the lesson, sits with the feeble, and sings a flawless soprano. She’s amazing, you think. And you’re not. 

Perception is a funny thing when it comes to the prom queen. The assumption, I believe, is that she, herself, thinks she’s just as amazing as you think she is. She must know it after all. The chick has a mirror and we all know she uses it. 

I’ve encountered the prom queen just as often as you have. I don’t always want to smile back at her either. Sometimes I secretly want to stick my foot out to see if she trips or leaps. [YES WRONG, but we’re all here for honesty and you know you’ve thought it too – sue me.]

The problem is though, that I know without a doubt that girl needs a smile just as much as the band geek in the back. I know because, well, I’ve seen The Breakfast Club about a hundred times, and also the truth is that I’ve been the prom queen a few times in my life. Once in 2002 in a royal blue sequin dress, and again a few months ago backstage at my daughters’ dance recital. Really. 

It was obvious in 2002 [there was a K-Ci & JoJo song that made it official that night] but I was taken aback when I realized it a second time backstage at the recital when another mom called out among the chaos, “I need scissors! Anybody have a pair of scissors?” 

Before I could answer, that mom looked right at me and said, “Allison, gimme your scissors. You’re the most got-it-together person I know. I know you’ve got a pair.”

And you know what, I did have a pair. There I was, sitting backstage, laughing with my gorgeous kids and my cute earrings, fully prepared for the evening ahead and making it look like a piece of flawlessly-frosted cake. Prom queen. 

Just like that twinge I felt when I was slowly turning around the dance floor back in the day with the equally awesome and awkward king, at that moment it flooded right back. HOW insane. They actually think I’ve got it together. 

Yep, I had the scissors in the bag, my kids were dressed and ready and I had even successfully showered that day. But you know what? The day before, those same kids barely got to school on time, one of them without her book bag because I’d overslept and shoved them out the door without it. That same week, I’d washed ONE load of clothes FOUR times because I didn’t have the brainpower or the energy to remember to put the rotten things in the dryer. And that very day, the actual day of the recital, I’d nearly had a meltdown in my office at work.

I mean, daaaaang prom queen, where you at, girl?!

I won’t lie, sometimes it feels nice to be the prom queen. In the finest moments, it seems better than the alternative. I’ll argue ‘til my death though, that the title is never permanent, it’s completely an illusion, and it’s never EVER enough to get you by in life on its own.

I recently had lunch with a friend that I’ve only gotten to know well in the last couple years. During the span of our friendship we’d established a routine to meet for lunch in town – me, always on my lunch break in heels and professional attire, and her, in whatever comfortably cute outfit met the needs of her day. When I told her recently that I was making a career change and leaving my job, she told me she couldn’t imagine what I’d be like without the always-put-togetherness that my position had required. 

“It’s just a uniform,” I told her. And it was. Under the got-it-together-girl she thought she knew, there was just another regular ol’ messy woman in here. I think she likes that second girl even better. I know for sure that I do, but really, we’re one in the same. It’s just that perception either lays down the red carpet, or rips it right out from under us. We don’t even really get to decide.

So next time you bump into her, remember that some days, we queens just get lucky. Other days, we’re just trying not to let the drool drip out of our clarinet. (Believe me, I know. I’ve been that girl too.)

Conway Middle School Band, 1997
I'm Allison
Family girl, creator, lover of the 80s. Recovering workaholic and reformed people-pleaser. Certain that life begins at 35 (or whenever we wake up and realize we are laugh-lines-deep in blessings).